Don’t take it slow girl

I imagine speed sometimes…

Me driving a car, a red one, I don’t know why I always dream of myself inside of a red car, maybe because I associate that color with danger and adrenaline, or love, or maybe because that was the color of my dad’s car, but it is always red. I am driving it! Yes, I know how to drive in my head. I am going so fast that the wind hits my face and I have a feeling of numbness. I am laughing hard when I start, but then I just stop, I can’t control my face muscles, the car is still moving very fast, but I don’t, my mind doesn’t. I have stopped with my hands in the wheel, numb.

Speed is the word that describes my life, everything happened as I was stuck in a moving car which didn’t know how to stop, it just moved faster and faster each time. I grew up faster than my friends. I remember that I was used to the curves in my body way before my friends started freaking out about it. I remember learning not to care about what people thought of me way before my mom did. I remember knowing whether I am religious or not way before my dad did. I remember learning everything so fast, and wanting to know more, wanting to be someone, to achieve something of my own without others’ help. You might think how ambitious I might have been, I think how fast I had to work because I was the only one who could help me. No, my parents didn’t abandon me, they were always there, but luck abandoned them, so they couldn’t provide me all the things I needed, or deserved. Therefore I said to myself: “Study more, read faster, dream quicker, you have to speed up!” I had to, I was the slowest person I have ever met, I still am.

My brain works fast, I trained it to, my mind too, but my will…

My will is slower than my feet. I have very slow feet, maybe because I am short, or maybe because I get distracted easily while walking, and start deluding. I usually have to drag myself up, and when I do nothing can stop or slow me, because I know I could go back to the previous stage of mind. I should never slow down, because when I do I go back to the depression mode, so slow is not an option, well at least that is what I tell myself. I convince myself that speed is the answer, and I surprisingly find myself stopped, numb, thinking even slower than I walk, because speed might be the answer, but taking it slow is my normal state of mind.

Stopping for a moment and thinking… Prizren, Kosovo. July 2016

“Don’t take it slow girl!”- I keep telling myself, so I won’t lose track of time or happiness, and I accelerate, until I am out of strength.

Life keeps moving very fast, but I don’t, my mind doesn’t. I have stopped with my mind elsewhere, in some other nonexistent dimension, numb.

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6 Comments on "Don’t take it slow girl"

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Your post reminds me of that guy on that pill that make his brain work really fast in that movie “Limitless”



Your blogs throw light upon some very realistic things !! Creative writing !! Do visit n follow my work at and leave your valuable suggestion n comments there !!


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